Tag Archives: neighbors

9/16/15 I Swear, I Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

Mom was feeling tired and run-down today after the punctuation test yesterday.

She woke Jamie up this morning only to find that he had stubbed another toe (“I think I broke it, Mom!”) and he had a sore throat to boot (“I just finished antibiotics Sunday!”)

Mom grabbed the little wooden flashlight she got at Menard’s for a birthday gift and told Jamie to Open Wide and Say Aaah. Jamie took a big gulp and proceeded to say, “Aaah”, something that is always difficult for him for some reason and results in a gag reflex. “Hmmm. Jim, his tonsils are all white. I think he has Strep. Can you take him to the urgent care clinic while I call the school?”

Dad grumbled a bit but took Jamie. The odd thing is, when Jamie was a young pup, he never got sick. Ever. Now that he’s 15, every sneaky germ that slides by ends up making him ill. Mom can’t figure it out. Anyway, back to the story.

Dad called Mom from the doctor’s office with a Tone in his voice. “It’s allergies,” he said somberly. “Bullsh**,” said Mom. I perked up my ears. “Allergies don’t turn your tonsils white.” “Wait, wait, here comes the doctor…he’s positive for Strep,” Dad said, the Tone in his voice magically disappearing.

Mom hung up the phone. “Don’t mess with Dr. Mom,” she said to herself.

So, Mom went to get some medication. I sat in the bed watching over Jamie. We heard some growly, kind of grumbly, noises from the neighbors who live in the side-woods. I went on high alert:

attention!

Suddenly, there was a Crack! and a Thump! And a huge, dead tree fell over our fence! Quickly, Jamie texted Mom. “Maybe the neighbor will move the tree,” she said, hopefully.

Mom came home and surveyed the damage.

deadtree

Just then, the Jesters pulled up to mow the lawn. Mr. Jester told Mom not to worry, they would throw the tree back over the fence. Then he saw it and said, “Nothing doing.”

Mom called the City, and they said it was Not Their Jurisdiction. Mom called the Police, and asked if it was OK for citizens to just randomly drop trees on other peoples’ property. The Police sent Mom’s call to Code Enforcement, and now we are all waiting to see what happens next.

The upshot of the story is: Mom says she can’t leave the house without trees falling on our property or some other disaster. Mom swears she will never, ever, leave the house again, but I know she has to pick Jamie up from school tomorrow, because he’s going back.

I swear, I can’t make this stuff up!

Woof! Love, Maggie

6/19/13 The Stinkiest Gum Ever

A dog’s sense of smell is tens of thousands of times more sensitive than a human nose.  In other breeds, the number is higher, this is just an average.  so you can imagine how traumatic it was for me when Jamie brought home The Stinkiest Gum Ever, popped five pieces into his mouth at once, and breathed, “Hhhhhiiii, Mom!”

Mom’s mascara melted off her face and she staggered back, clutching the kitchen counter for support.  I put my tail between my legs, gave a loud whine, then rolled over and showed my belly in defeat.

“Get-that-gum-out-of-this-house!” Mom commanded.  “But, Mom!” Jamie whined.  (He NEVER whines!)  I perked my ears up from my new position underneath the kitchen table.  “It’s sugar-free!  And I bought it with my own money!”  “I don’t care if you paid a King’s ransom for it, that (surprise!) smells like blueberry energy drink on steroids mixed with toxic waste!  Out it goes!  And then go brush your teeth!”  Jamie sulked.  (He NEVER sulks!)  I picked my head up.  This was getting good!  But Jamie relented.

It was a nice day, and Mom had all the windows and the back door open.  After Jamie had duly deposited the gum in a napkin and tossed it in the trash, he brushed his teeth and wandered outside to play basketball with the kids assembled outside.  I stood watching him from the front window as he passed a small  flat packet to the kid who lives right next to us.

Soon, through the open windows, wafting in on the evening breeze, we could hear the following:  “Hhhhhiiii, Mom!”

I think I heard Hotchi, the dog next door, whimpering.